Thoughts on breastfeeding

Excuse currently in my head: I can't write this post because I haven't posted Mace's birth story yet!  It makes no sense to suddenly write a post about nursing because you barely even blogged about being pregnant and giving birth to a baby boy!
And this is what I say: You know what, self?  It doesn't matter!  Just write!

Disclaimer: This post is probably going to be TMI for some people, so if you don't want to hear about babies and boobs and nursing and leaking and body issues, stop reading now.
/disclaimer


I have a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding.  I nursed Carmen until she was 20 months old, and Mace is so far exclusively breastfed.  It's just so much easier to pop a boob into a baby's mouth than it is to pull out a bottle and mess with measuring out water and formula and making it not too cold.  The tap water here tastes like dirt so I'd have to use cold, filtered fridge water, and I'd have to warm it up to a bearable temperature and ... I get tired just thinking about it!

Thoughts on breastfeeding in general:
Pros:

• It's so easy and convenient!  You know your baby is going to be hungry every 2-3 hours (more often if it's growth spurt time) and since you're the mom, you're there, and you can feed them without having to prepare anything.
• Breastfeeding helps your waist get smaller faster, because the hormones associated with breastfeeding help your uterus clamp down to its original size.  (con: there is a LOT of cramping in those early days of breastfeeding.)
• You get to eat more food and supposedly you lose weight (and burn thigh fat?) more quickly.
• Your kids are healthier, since your antibodies strengthen their immune system.
• Breastmilk is superfood.  Seriously, it does everything.  My pediatrician told me to put it in Mace's eyes to open up his tear ducts.  It helps clear up baby acne.  Colostrum (and possibly breastmilk?) can be used in the early days to soothe sore and cracked nipples.  It cures ear infections, too.
• Breastmilk baby poop is a million times better than formula poop.  It smells better and just seems cleaner ...
• Babies are less picky when they start eating real food, since your milk tastes different depending on what you've eaten.  Unfortunately, most of my milk is made of chocolate, so I'm a little screwed in the variety department ...
• You get snuggles!
• I want to repeat "it's so easy and convenient and cheap and eco-friendly!" about 21938873 times.  Why spend money on something inferior?  STICK IT TO THE MAN. etc etc.

Cons:

• Let's face it.  It's a little gross.
• I leak like crazy the entire time my kids are breastfeeding, so I have to use nursing pads.  It feels kind of unsexy.  But, pro!  They are super-cute cloth nursing pads from WeeEssentials!
• Every time I get dressed, I have to think about accessibility, and whether or not my particular combination of nursing pads, bra, and shirt make my boobs look funny.  It depends on the thickness of the shirt/bra.
• Mace was very tongue tied.  That's when the frenulum (the thingy under your tongue that attaches your tongue to the bottom of your mouth) is attached all the way to the tip of the tongue and you can't stick your tongue out at all.  It makes it hard for a baby to latch on and suck because they need to stick their tongue out slightly to ... well ... make it all work.  Go Google it. =p  We went to the ear, nose, and throat doctor in May and he performed a frenectomy (fren = frenulum, ectomy = cutting out) so his tongue could be free and things are a lot easier now!
• Making milk takes work.  Work takes energy.  Energy creates heat.  I am very, very hot when I nurse (haha, I said I'm hot!)  I have recently discovered clinical strength deodorant.  IT IS AMAZING WHY DID I NOT USE THIS WITH CARMEN.  But feeling like you can boil water on your chest when it's also 90-someodd degrees outside?  Not fun!!
• If my boobs think it's time to nurse and my baby doesn't, it's uncomfortable.  Nursing and hormones in general are uncomfortable.
• Nursing hormones kill your libido.
• You never quite feel like your body is back to normal.
• It's hard to sleep on your stomach at night.  Too much pressure on chest = uncomfortable and leaky.
• My mother gives me dirty looks when I'm nursing at home without a cover and my brother is in the house.  I'm sorry if it makes him uncomfortable ... but I'm his sister and I'm feeding my baby and just because I have boobs ... I'm his sister!!!  Maybe I'm a shameless dirty classless hussy, but I think people need to freak out less about nakedness.  Hello, locker rooms?  And who hasn't seen some family member streak across the house in a towel at one point or another?  It's not sexual.  It's not an everyday occurrence, either, but still ... chill out.  (Maybe it's because I had college roommates who would lounge around the room in a towel/underwear for a little while after showering or before bed ...)
• It's a huuuuuuge time commitment.  Feeding a baby always is.  But think of this: Breastfed babies will eat every 2-3 hours for the first 6 months of life (because that's how long it takes to digest) until they start eating solid foods (ie. non-breastmilk).  A feeding usually lasts anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes.  Let's say a baby eats for 10 minutes every 3 hours.  That's 80 minutes a day.  If there are 30 days in a month, that's 240 minutes of nursing a month, which is 40 hours.  Every month, you spend a whole work week nursing your baby.

Thoughts in general:

• Yes, I'm one of those people who nurses in public.  I feel uncomfortable with the idea of other people staring at my boobs, so if I'm in a place where there are a lot of people (such as the outlet malls, Target, a restaurant, a party/wedding) I like to cover up.  I'll also generally try to cover up if I'm around unmarried male friends; but if I'm at home, or with family, or with female friends, or in an un-busy place, or I'm at the beach ... I may or may not cover up and people can choose not to stare because I'm not drawing attention to myself.  I'm not exactly sure how nursing on a busy public beach is different from nursing at a busy Target, but they're psychologically different to me when it comes to feeling like I'm an exhibitionist while nursing.
• I love my nursing cover (got the black one from Udder Covers).  The stiff band around the neck goes out enough that I can look down and see what's going on but nobody else has to stare at my nipples while Mace and I tussle over whether or not he's going to start eating yet.  He's light enough that I can carry him around with one arm and walk around and window shop.  One time, Mark and I were at the store and I nursed Mace the whole time while Mark pushed the shopping cart.  IT WAS AWESOME.  I was thrilled not to have to sit down and feed Mace, and not feel awkward by walking around the store half-exposed.
• All of my complaints about nursing seem kind of superficial and selfish.  I mean, come on, "nursing makes me feel less sexy"?  The convenience and lifetime benefits of nursing far outweigh a few months of temporary discomfort and self-consciousness.
• I will write about the World Health Organization (WHO) and their breastfeeding recommendations some other time.  I have a lot of thoughts on the subject.  Frankly, I think they're kind of obnoxious in the way they present their goals.
  http://www.who.int/nutrition/topics/exclusive_breastfeeding/en/
  And this article does a pretty good job to summarize how I feel:
  http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/06/04/moms-need-more-support-to-breastfeed-exclusively/
  
  But the phrase "more support" sounds like mothers need their hands held and to be pushed and prodded into exclusive breastfeeding.  That sounds kind of coercive and forceful and makes me feel uncomfortable ... like, what, you're going to guilt mothers into exclusively breastfeeding?  Yeah, like that's gonna work.  Can't we give moms props for trying, and keeping with it, and for continuing to nurse at a 6 months or a year even if the kid's been fed a couple bottles of formula?  Because it's not like the world's moms aren't nursing at all.  They're just (gasp!) using a product that's available to make it so they can go out for more than 3 hours without having to pump for it.

I'm sure there's plenty more I think about the subject, but that's all I've got for now. ;)

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Well, I'm back from my vacation in Sammamish!  It's fun to go out and see my family, but at the same time it's wonderful to be back home.  I have my own bed, my own food, my own neighborhood, my own schedule ... Carmen loved staying up late partying with her uber-exciting aunts and uncles.  She also loved sleeping in and napping right before dinner.  We're still slowly adjusting her schedule back to normal. ;)

I really appreciated Elder Cook's talk in Conference on Saturday morning.  I have to wait until the transcriptions come out online before I can do a lot of analysis on the talk, but I loved how he talked about how valuable mothers are and acknowledged all kinds of mothers (those who work, those who stay at home, and those who are single, etc) and praised them.  I felt appreciated and loved, even though motherhood tends to be undervalued (read: unpaid!!)  I liked how he talked about telling a nonmember about women serving in the Church and she said, "The last thing women need is another unpaid job."

I've loved and valued work and education so much in my life that it's sometimes hard for me to keep things in perspective.  When Carmen was a baby, I had a hard time feeling like I was much more than an unpaid robot.  She'd lay there (and cry most of the time ... she was very colicky) and my job was to simply be there and hold and comfort her and feed and change her until ... I don't know.  Until she needed something else.  I felt like I had very little to offer her different from what anyone could offer her.

Now, however, life is great!  Ever since she started noticing the world and crawling and walking and wanted to know things, I feel like I've been able to do a lot and I'm thrilled to be a mom!  (So things got much better after 5 or 6 months, then after a year, then after 15 months, then after 18 months, and now she's turning 2 next month!  WHAT HAPPENS TO THE TIME?!)  She is so expressive and loves to talk and we share such sweet moments together.

It's been wonderful to watch Sadie every morning.  I love watching her learn and grow, too.  Today, she told me how she can count by 5's and 10's to 100.  She told me she doesn't know how to read yet, but I told her at least she knows how to spell her name and loves to look at books together so at least that's a start.  She told me the other day that her mom gave her permission to get her ears pierced when she asked, but has decided she doesn't want to get her ears pierced because it will be painful.  She and Carmen are learning how to get along together and I get to practice more of my teaching and mediating skills.

I'm enjoying the book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.  It talks about empathizing with your children and helping them learn to address and deal with their strong emotions instead of dismissing or demeaning them.  It requires a lot of intimacy with and attention to your child, so ... I guess I feel really thankful I have the opportunity to stay at home and develop that kind of a relationship with my children without having other major distractions in my life.  There is nothing else I'm doing that is more important than teaching my children to be the best they can be!  (And yet, I find room and time to do so much and my life is full!)


A few Carmenisms:

Carmen put a sticker onto a piece of paper then tried to pull it off.
"Stuck!!" she complained, surprised.

A few months ago, we got a free broken key from a locksmith.  It's got buttons on it.  Carmen found it in the toy basket and started pushing the buttons.  "Beep, beep!" she said (because that's the noise cars make when you lock and unlock them.)  She walked over to the window and looked outside, to see if any of the cars were reacting to her key.  "Papa's key." she said.  (Grandpa has a key like that to his Honda Pilot.)  This is proof that Carmen loves Grandpa Brad and pays attention to him.

Sometimes, Carmen blows her nose with toilet paper, but more often than not, she rips it up into tiny pieces and sticks the pieces up her nose.  Then I hear her snort and sniff for a few minutes and she goes, "Stuck!  STUUUUCCKKK!!!"
(PS. I remove the toilet paper with tweezers to make the extraction process as excruciating and obnoxious as possible.)

Last night, our friends blessed their baby, Phoebe.  Carmen loves babies and has been picking up names really well this past month.  While we were getting into the car, she sat in the back seat talking to herself about how excited she was to go see "Baby Pee-Pee."  She also learned our friend Sterling's first name: "Durling."  IT'S ADORABLE.

I guess while I'm talking about names, I'll have you know she calls Marissa "Sissa", gets ridiculously excited about our friend Ray (and can say his name no problem), and loves her friend Braxton who is 6 months older than she is.  She calls him "Bobby".  One time we were playing at Braxton's house and the conversation went something like this:
Braxton: Carmen, I am not Bobby.  I'm Braxton.
Carmen: Bobby!
Braxton: No, Braxton!
Carmen: Brrrrrrrrrrrr-obby!
Me: *lol*

I love hearing Carmen talk to herself.  She walks around the house and plays with her toy kitchen or her tool set and talks about what she's going to cook or fix.  She carries her babies around and changes their diapers and puts medicine on their ouchies.  (She's got a sad history of diaper rashes and so she is quite familiar with Bordeaux's Butt Paste.)  When I was a kid, I'd put my stuffed animals in time-out and spank them for trying to leave.  Carmen kisses her babies and gives them medicine.  Hmm.

Carmenisms

I love the funny little things Carmen does.

For example, we have this smoke detector in our bedroom right by the bathroom door.  If someone takes a hot shower and doesn't close the door, the steam sets off the alarm.  My sister, Marissa, is notorious for setting off the fire alarms once every time she visits and spends the night.  Often times, it's about 30 minutes after Carmen goes down for a nap, and we feel SO BAD we've woken her up.  Sometimes, Mark sets off the alarm in the morning when he gets back from the gym.  The cats might push the door open or he might forget to turn the fan on, so when he opens the door to leave the bathroom, all of the steam escapes and our house starts beeping loudly at 7:15. O_o;

You'd think all of these rude awakenings would cause Carmen to have a fear of smoke detectors and the sound of the fire alarm.  Strangely enough, she doesn't seem to mind it (even though it drives me crazy!)  Lately, when Mark's putting Carmen through her bedtime routine, she'll look up at the ceiling and point to one of the alarms and go, "Beep!"  Mark says, "Oh, are you looking at the alarm up there?" and she goes, "Uh-huh.  Beep!"

It's a beep!  So cute!  Not a, "ZOMG THAT THING IS SO NOISY IT WAKES ME UP IN THE MIDDLE OF NAPS AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!"  Phew.  One potential psychological bullet dodged!!

Carmen developed a rash on her stomach a few weeks ago.  The doctors couldn't figure out what it was, but they prescribed me this antibiotic ointment that seemed to help clear it up.  Carmen was terrified at the doctor's office because she KNEW she only goes to the doctor's to get shots (why else go to the doctor when your kid is perfectly healthy all the time?) ... and it was hard to convince her that we WEREN'T going to hurt her that time.  Poor girl.  But one thing she loves about the pediatrician's office is their aquarium.  She loves to watch the fishies, and the SADDEST part about going to the doctor is not getting the shots - it's the having to say goodbye to the fishies.  ("FEESHIES! FEEEEEESSSHHIIIESSSS!!!")

Back to the rash.  Carmen's been really good about letting me put the medicine on her.  She calls it "Memmin."  I put it on her in the morning when I change her diaper and in the evening when I put her pajamas on.  It goes a little bit onto her back, too, so when I need her to stand up, she stands up and turns around for me.  It's so sweet how helpful and obedient she is! <3  She then likes to take the little tube and pretend she's putting the medicine on herself.  "Memmine." she says.  "Ouchies."


Remember how she calls fingernail polish "candy"?  Turns out it's definitely her word for fingernail polish, not just the fact that the shiny colors makes your nails look like Jolly Ranchers.  I put clear sparkle polish on my nails the other day for the heck of it, and no less than 2 seconds after I finished, Carmen grabbed my hands, touched the sparkles, and cheered, "Candy!!  Hannals!"  (She's learned the word for "fingernails" and it sounds a lot like "hang nails".)


Some of her favorite things to do these days are to color (either with real crayons on paper or with this free "Doodle Kids" iPod app) and ... well ... play pretend.  It doesn't matter if it's with her play kitchen, a play phone, a real phone, an iPod, a baby, her little doll stroller, her big (umbrella) stroller, or someone's shoes ....... she's really creative!  It's fun hearing her sit and chat away about how excited she is about her kitchen, or taking her baby for a walk, or wrapping her baby in a blanket ... and it doesn't matter whether the baby is a doll or a stuffed animal.  I'm sure I could convince her a crayon was a baby if I wrapped it in a toilet paper blanket for her.  IT'S AWESOME.

Speaking of toilet paper ... she does this funny thing where she rips up toilet paper or tissues into little pieces and wipes her nose with them.  It's winter - kids get runny noses.  The other day, we were at Mark's work and she was stuffing the tissue pieces up her nose.  I heard her inhale through her nose and gasp a little bit.  "Oh!  Stuck!" she gasped.  I laughed and said, "Yup, you've got that stuck up your nose!  You probably don't want to put stuff up there!" and helped her pull the tissues out.  She looked at me and said, "Yes!  Stuck!!"

It will be less funny when they're frozen peas.

Carmen is a Sweetheart

Carmen wasn't a very snuggly baby, but for some reason, ever since we got our cats last year, she's gotten really snuggly.  I love it!

I know we shouldn't necessarily be encouraging this behavior, but lately when she's woken up in the middle of the night, Mark and I have taken her into our room to let her sleep with us.  Sometimes, she rolls around a lot and Mark ends up going downstairs and sleeping on the couch while Carmen and I take up the rest of the bed.  Sweet.

Sunday morning was one of those nights we let her come in and sleep with us.  Carmen woke up around a quarter to 7,  and the first thing she did when she woke up was roll over, wake me up, and say, "Cheese?!"  ... so I went downstairs and got her some cheese so she would be quiet and let me rest for another 30 minutes.  Hah.

Anyway.  Lately she's been doing a lot of good telling people goodbye.  When I used to drop Sadie off at school, she'd sit in her car seat and cry.  When Dad had to go to work, she'd cry as he left.  Now, all we have to do is tell her goodbye and ask her to say goodbye to [insert name here] and she'll wave happily at them and say, "Buh-bye!!" and be cheerful.  She's still not a huge fan of when Dad leaves for work, but she'll calm down and wave goodbye when he has to go.  How sweet!

She also gives people hugs and kisses when they leave.  It's so much fun getting toddler hugs and kisses!!

Yesterday in church, we sat in the front row with our friends Dorie and Jake.  At the end of Sacrament meeting, Carmen crawled into Dorie's lap and snuggled with her while I fed Carmen some cereal puffs.  Carmen kept closing her eyes like she was about to fall asleep, then she'd wake up and grab for some more puffs.  It was like she couldn't decide if she was too tired to eat or too hungry to sleep.  Ha ha.

Yesterday, she grabbed Mark's face and gave him a big kiss for no reason.  It was so cute!!  And today before going upstairs for a bath, she was snuggling Mark and I asked if I could join in on the snuggle time.  "Could you give Mommy a kiss, too?" I asked hopefully.  She smiled, said "Mm-hmm!", pursed her lips, and gave me a kiss.  IT WAS SO SWEET.

Lately, she's also been asking for us to put her down for a nap.  We'll be in the car on the way to Sadie's school, and she'll be like, "Hmm, nap?" as if, "The next thing we do is nap time!"  And we usually give her a bath around 7:30 so we can put her to bed around 8.  For the past few days, between 7:20 and 7:30, she'll stop whatever she's doing and look at us and go, "Bath?" and go upstairs if we ask her to meet us upstairs for bath time.  Whoa - this is awesome!  She's settled into a really good schedule!

The lesson?  Schedules really are good for kids and they'll stick to them really well if you stick to them.  It's worth trying to get your kid on a schedule when they're young (there's no need to force babies into them) because ... seriously?  Raising Carmen is awesome.  I love it.

I'm having so much fun right now I think I must be crazy to be wanting to get pregnant again some time later this year.  (another baby in 2012? yes, please!)  Then I remember how babies can't crawl or walk or talk or tell you what they need and you have to figure out what their inexplicable cries mean (do you need a diaper change? are you hungry? are you tired? are you sick? are you in pain? are you bored?) and sometimes they cry for NO REASON ... and I dread having another baby.  But then they start to grow up and they are SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH.  Luckily, babies are incredibly, incredibly cute and fun in their own special way ... hopefully I'll be able to handle my next kid.

Being a parent can be so crazy and confusing sometimes.  It's a completely irrational thing (being a parent) but it's so ... fun ... and ... rewarding ... and ... inexplicably awesome ... I love it.  Hah.


Anywho. There's a bunch of random thoughts for the day.

Parenting with Love and Logic

Today is one of those days many parents fear - Carmen learned how to pull down the door handle to open doors!  Correction - she's finally tall enough to reach the door handle.  I'm happy because now she won't accidentally shut herself in a room and start crying because she can't get out. ;)

My friend, Tammy Fillerup, once recommended the book Parenting With Love and Logic.  I checked it out from the library last week and have been reading it at the gym.  It's a lot like how I've always figured I wanted to parent - let children figure out how to handle their own problems, only intervene when your kids are in danger, give them choices with options that are acceptable to you ("eat nicely at the table or play on the floor..." "red pants or blue pants" and they know you'll make the decision for them if they won't make one), don't use a lot of emotion when disciplining because kids thrive on getting a rise out of people, etc.

When Carmen gets into things she's not supposed to get into, I don't freak out.  I simply say, "That's not food/a toy" and take it away if she won't hand it back to me.  Sometimes she really wants it, but the resistance only lasts a couple of seconds.  She's learned that if she's not supposed to do something, I'm not going to let her do it no matter how much she fusses.  But if she IS allowed to do something and I just prefer her not to, she only has to complain once and I say, "Oh, fine, you can have my spoon.  I'll get another one."

The trickiest part for me was figuring out what I was and wasn't going to let Carmen do before she did it, or making a split-second decision when she does something so she could learn, "If Mom doesn't give in within 10 seconds, she's not giving in EVER."

Another friend of mine, Julie Johnson, talked about disciplining her 8-year-old.  When he does something he's not supposed to do, she's trying to train him that when she says something like, "Uh-uh-uh!" he knows he's about to get into trouble.  I think Carmen's learned that when I say, "Oh, be careful, Carmen!" she knows she's probably about to fall and get hurt.  So she stops and looks at me for instructions when I tell her to stop or be careful.  Parenting so far has not required much yelling.  :)

I was afraid my kid would be one of those kids who gets into the toilet paper roll and empties the whole thing before you can grab them and say, "Stoooooooppppp!!!!"  But I guess the whole, "Not a toy" thing worked pretty well with Carmen before she was mobile enough to unroll a whole thing of toilet paper.  That doesn't mean she hasn't played with it.

The other day, she pulled off a few pieces of toilet paper.  I followed her curiously and said, "You know, Carmen, I'd rather you not play with that.  It's not a toy.  What are you doing?" and she proceeded to bring the toilet paper to her face and wipe her nose, like I do when I have a cold.  Then she went over to Ravis (our cat) and started scrubbing him down.  "Oh, you're cleaning!" I squealed.  "That's so sweet!"

Pretend play and creativity is worth a few squares of toilet paper.

Today, she asked for a glass of water in the bathroom and spilled a little bit on the floor.  I was going to grab a towel and start cleaning it up, but Carmen went into the bathroom and started unrolling the toilet paper again.  Oy!  And it wasn't just a little bit this time - it was like 3 feet.  "Carmen, do you really need to use so much of the toilet paper?  Can we put some back?" and she went to the little spot where she'd spilled her water and started wiping it up with the toilet paper.  I pulled out a towel and said, "I use a towel like this when I clean up spills!" and helped her clean the rest of it up.

I'm not sure if I should've let her clean up the whole mess herself (2 whole ounces of water!), or if I should've handed her the towel and let her do it on her own, or what ... but it was a really neat experience.  She even put the wet toilet paper into the trash when she was done wiping the water up!  Cleaning up her own spills ... She's the coolest 19-month-old ever!!

Now, if only these molars would come in, then we could sleep again ...

Schedules

One thing I've learned in the past 17 months is the importance of a predictable routine (or schedule) for kids.  It wasn't that big of a deal at first, because newborns sleep all the time and can sleep through anything.  They just wake up every few hours to eat.  After a while, though, they start spending more time awake and start needing to figure out how to get themselves down and stay down for longer periods of time.

Someone told me that the "magical hour" to put kids down for bed seems to be around 8:00.  When Carmen was younger (4 or 5 months?) she seemed to be able and willing to stay up until 10:00 watching Castle with us.  We couldn't convince her to go down any earlier than that, which was fine with me.  I figured that was the reason why she was able to sleep until 8:00 in the morning before wanting to get out of bed and play.

By the way, she still got up a few times in the night to eat.  She didn't really start sleeping through the night regularly until she was almost a year old ... but I was glad that she never wanted to *stay up* and *play* in the middle of the night!  That was good enough for me!  Plus, I never really slept well anyway so I was always waking up a few times in the middle of the night ANYWAY.  Blargh!

Sure enough, as Carmen settled into a more human-like schedule, she naturally started getting tired and going to bed around 8:00 on the dot.


I had a hard time figuring out her nap schedule, though.  Younger babies usually take about two naps during the day, then around a year they usually drop one of the naps.  It seemed like most of my friends' kids took their naps in the afternoons, and I was SO JEALOUS because it seemed like every morning, Carmen would wake up with us (not too early, thank goodness!) and then be ready to go back to bed an hour or two later.  We barely had time to eat breakfast and I couldn't go ANYWHERE because she would get so amazingly cranky.

Now that I'm watching my neighbor's kindergartner in the mornings, I've finally convinced Carmen to take a nap AFTER lunch.  It's wonderful.  By that time, I'm tired enough that I sometimes take a nap, too. :D  I think she can stay up so long because she's entertained by more people than just me.  Mom alone?  I'm boring!  Mom + 5-year-old?  Entertainment galore!

So here's how our schedule generally works during the week:
Some time between 6 and 7:30 - wake up, family snuggle time, one parent plays with Carmen while the other showers, then we all have breakfast

7:30-8:00 - Mark leaves for work.  He works 1.1 miles from our house, so he can walk or bike or I can give him a ride if he's running late.  That's why we chose to live here.  Carmen hates it if he doesn't say goodbye, and lately I've started going to work with him.  Sometimes I can visit for a while, other times I have to be back in time for the kindergartner to get here.

8:30-8:45 - Sadie, the kindergartner, arrives.  We leave for school around 12:15, so I try to think of what we can do for the next 3.5 hours or so.

Usually, it goes something like this:
~Run errands or do chores around the house until 11:00.  Sadie unintentionally keeps Carmen distracted and plays with the cats.  (Those cats are probably the best thing that's happened lately.  Kids think they are so stinkin' funny.)

I also use this time to get ready for the day and put my makeup on.  Carmen comes upstairs and either sits on the counter next to me and brushes her teeth or chases the cats around our room.

11:00 - lunch time.  Carmen likes to feed herself so she's busy for a good 30 or 45 minutes.  I get her food started before Sadie's because Sadie eats faster.  After lunch, sometimes I give Sadie a Popsicle and let her play outside until I can get Carmen cleaned up and we can come outside too.  We have a little playground and pavilion behind our townhome.  It's awesome - another reason we chose this place.

12:05ish - let the kids know it's about time to pack up and leave.  This gives me enough time to check Carmen's diaper before we take Sadie to school.

12:38 - Sadie's school starts (Mondays it starts at 12:13).  I shoot to get there 5 or 10 minutes early in case traffic is backed up at the stop signs or something.  The school she goes to is 5 miles away, up past the Mount Timpanogos temple.

After we get home, I put Carmen down for a nap.  She's so exhausted by then; sometimes she falls asleep in the car.  I take this opportunity to do whatever I want/need to do - read, clean, nap, play video games, cross-stitch ...

Mark's work schedule is pretty flexible, so he comes home anywhere between 4 and 5:30, depending on our moods.  We have dinner at 5:30 (because Carmen is STAAAARRRVVVVIIINNGGGG even though she's been snacking on saltines and bananas and cheese all day.)

Dinner is usually done around 6, Carmen is usually done eating by 6:30 (gotta love kids who want to feed themselves!) and we have about an hour to play around and do whatever before it's bath time.

7:30 - bath time.  I sit in the bathroom and read a book or play games while Carmen splashes around.  She still fits in a little baby tub.  I'm planning on using that tub and conserving water as long as I can. ;)

After bath time, I dress Carmen in her pajamas and we brush teeth and stuff.  Sometimes we try to read books, other times we skip straight to prayers and nursing and then she's out.  I take advantage of some snuggle time, then lay her in her crib and give her her blanket and a sippy cup of water.

It's a pretty good routine for us.  On the weekends, we start shifting her nap a little earlier because we have church at 1:00 on Sundays.  On those days, we wake her up around noon so we have enough time to eat lunch and get ready to go to church.



Wow, that was long.  The only reason I'm writing this is because the batteries in my camera are dead so I couldn't take pictures of Carmen's funny faces at work this morning.  Or the fact that there's a tree growing right in front of the speed limit sign in our neighborhood so you can't see it.

You didn't do ANYTHING yesterday!

I watch a friend's kindergartner in the mornings before school so she can go to work.  Today, she wanted to go visit a park and I told her we had to stay inside and play this morning because I had to sort some laundry and clean the bathrooms.  For some reason, she enjoys watching me do chores ... even though I put in Sleeping Beauty for her so she'd have something to do while I got my stuff done.

"Yeah, you didn't do any of your chores yesterday." she agreed.

She's right.  I DIDN'T do any chores like that yesterday.  We just played all day long.  At least that's what it felt like to her because I kept her sufficiently distracted while I did "the invisible things Moms do" (as my mother used to say.)

She and Carmen played out front with some balls and a puddle while I vacuumed out the car.  We took Mark to work and went to Grease Monkey to drive through the car wash.  (Carmen hasn't been through a car wash since probably a year ago ... she hated the noises from the machines and the fact that she couldn't see out through any of the windows because of the soap.  Poor kid!)  Then we came home and I cleaned the kitchen and washed some laundry while the kids had lunch.

There are other kids who come over to my house and say things like, "Oh, do you just clean all day long?" and "Man, your house is so messy!" when they come over 15 minutes after Carmen has woken up from her nap and pulled out all of her toys.  It's hard to explain to them, "No, seriously, kid, it will only take 2 minutes to clean this up."


It makes me realize we have very, very little control over what little things our kids will focus on and remember.  Apparently, I either work like a dog (slaving away in the bathroom this morning!!) or I play all day long (vacuuming the car while playing outside yesterday!)  It just depends on what day you walk in on me and what happens to stick in your memory.

And this kid either hates or loves what I'm eating for lunch or what song happens to be playing on the radio or whatever.  Luckily her mom tells me she has nothing but nice things to say about me. =p


I used to get all worried reading parenting books and feeling like I have to do everything "right" or risk psychologically scarring my kids.  What a load of crap.  One person's idea of what "perfect" is could be completely different from another's perspective of "perfect" is, and the "right" thing to do with a kid is different depending on the kid and the situation.  I've decided to stop worrying.  I'm just going to do my best and do what feels best to ME and forget about what anyone else thinks!  My kids could think I'm crazy, my neighbors could think I'm strange, but the fact is nobody knows all of the little nuances of my life and why I do what I do.  We all do what works for us and make compromises where we need to.  My husband can attest to that - we do things way differently from how our neighbors might split things up but we're happy with the way we work things out!

My ultimate goal is to be happy and to help others be happy, too.  Especially my kids. ;)  Each one is going to have their own special and different needs and preferences, so I figure I'll just figure it out as they come along.  There's no need to preemptively stress out about anything.

Optimism

This morning, my friend Dorie came to the Orem Red Cross donation center with me so someone could play with Carmen while I donated blood.  The guy who took my blood asked Carmen's age and told me he had an 8-month-old at home who was about her same size.  It's so much fun having a tiny 16-month-old in the 5th percentile!

Some people are real party poopers when it comes to being a parent.  You try to be optimistic, and they just tell you things like, "Oh, just wait until they start teething/potty training/become teenagers/etc."  Like, what, THEN I'll be miserable and regret becoming a parent?

These people don't understand that I had a really hard first 6 months with Carmen.  Between regular depression and post-partum depression and having people ask if my 6-month-old had COLIC (supposedly "colic" is only from 6 to 12 weeks. HAH.) I pretty much just wanted to die.  Trust me, from birth on, I think things only get better.

Toddler temper tantrums?  At least you know what they want.  I think my goal as a parent is to teach my children how to cope with their feelings, other people, disappointment, etc.  A child's first instinct when they're separated from something they want is to cry or to hit.  They're not *trying* to be bad, ungrateful, or disobedient.

At other stages, kids are just exploring and learning.  We have a lot more insight than they do.  Teenagers are hard?  Sure.  How would YOU feel if your body were changing and you're stuck in this weird stage between childhood (where you're dependent on your parents for EVERYTHING) and adulthood (where YOU are responsible for everything) but you're stuck in this power struggle with your parents because neither of you are quite sure what the other can and can't handle and should and shouldn't be responsible for?  We're *ALL* confused!  Luckily, we've had 13+ years' experience with each other by this point, so hopefully we'll be able to come up with a compromise.

I probably simplify things too much, but I definitely prefer being optimistic to the alternative.


I love this quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."

Given the choice, I'd like to stay optimistic.  There are times when it's hard to make that choice, like when you're suffering from depression.  My dad once said something like, "If you needed glasses to correct your vision, why wouldn't you wear them?"  Sometimes an antidepressant is what you need to take off those dark glasses and see the world clearly.

Part of me was afraid I was just faking depression because angst was the cool teenager thing to do.  If you were broken, if you were in trouble, people would worry about you and pay attention to you.  Obviously, people loooove spending time around miserable people. =p:

So you know what?  If taking Zoloft helps me be the person I am and the person I want to be, it's fine.  People with diabetes have insulin, people with epilepsy have their seizure medication, and I have Zoloft that helps me not want to rip my hair out every time Carmen gets cranky.