Parenting with Love and Logic

Today is one of those days many parents fear - Carmen learned how to pull down the door handle to open doors!  Correction - she's finally tall enough to reach the door handle.  I'm happy because now she won't accidentally shut herself in a room and start crying because she can't get out. ;)

My friend, Tammy Fillerup, once recommended the book Parenting With Love and Logic.  I checked it out from the library last week and have been reading it at the gym.  It's a lot like how I've always figured I wanted to parent - let children figure out how to handle their own problems, only intervene when your kids are in danger, give them choices with options that are acceptable to you ("eat nicely at the table or play on the floor..." "red pants or blue pants" and they know you'll make the decision for them if they won't make one), don't use a lot of emotion when disciplining because kids thrive on getting a rise out of people, etc.

When Carmen gets into things she's not supposed to get into, I don't freak out.  I simply say, "That's not food/a toy" and take it away if she won't hand it back to me.  Sometimes she really wants it, but the resistance only lasts a couple of seconds.  She's learned that if she's not supposed to do something, I'm not going to let her do it no matter how much she fusses.  But if she IS allowed to do something and I just prefer her not to, she only has to complain once and I say, "Oh, fine, you can have my spoon.  I'll get another one."

The trickiest part for me was figuring out what I was and wasn't going to let Carmen do before she did it, or making a split-second decision when she does something so she could learn, "If Mom doesn't give in within 10 seconds, she's not giving in EVER."

Another friend of mine, Julie Johnson, talked about disciplining her 8-year-old.  When he does something he's not supposed to do, she's trying to train him that when she says something like, "Uh-uh-uh!" he knows he's about to get into trouble.  I think Carmen's learned that when I say, "Oh, be careful, Carmen!" she knows she's probably about to fall and get hurt.  So she stops and looks at me for instructions when I tell her to stop or be careful.  Parenting so far has not required much yelling.  :)

I was afraid my kid would be one of those kids who gets into the toilet paper roll and empties the whole thing before you can grab them and say, "Stoooooooppppp!!!!"  But I guess the whole, "Not a toy" thing worked pretty well with Carmen before she was mobile enough to unroll a whole thing of toilet paper.  That doesn't mean she hasn't played with it.

The other day, she pulled off a few pieces of toilet paper.  I followed her curiously and said, "You know, Carmen, I'd rather you not play with that.  It's not a toy.  What are you doing?" and she proceeded to bring the toilet paper to her face and wipe her nose, like I do when I have a cold.  Then she went over to Ravis (our cat) and started scrubbing him down.  "Oh, you're cleaning!" I squealed.  "That's so sweet!"

Pretend play and creativity is worth a few squares of toilet paper.

Today, she asked for a glass of water in the bathroom and spilled a little bit on the floor.  I was going to grab a towel and start cleaning it up, but Carmen went into the bathroom and started unrolling the toilet paper again.  Oy!  And it wasn't just a little bit this time - it was like 3 feet.  "Carmen, do you really need to use so much of the toilet paper?  Can we put some back?" and she went to the little spot where she'd spilled her water and started wiping it up with the toilet paper.  I pulled out a towel and said, "I use a towel like this when I clean up spills!" and helped her clean the rest of it up.

I'm not sure if I should've let her clean up the whole mess herself (2 whole ounces of water!), or if I should've handed her the towel and let her do it on her own, or what ... but it was a really neat experience.  She even put the wet toilet paper into the trash when she was done wiping the water up!  Cleaning up her own spills ... She's the coolest 19-month-old ever!!

Now, if only these molars would come in, then we could sleep again ...