I watch a friend's kindergartner in the mornings before school so she can go to work. Today, she wanted to go visit a park and I told her we had to stay inside and play this morning because I had to sort some laundry and clean the bathrooms. For some reason, she enjoys watching me do chores ... even though I put in Sleeping Beauty for her so she'd have something to do while I got my stuff done.
"Yeah, you didn't do any of your chores yesterday." she agreed.
She's right. I DIDN'T do any chores like that yesterday. We just played all day long. At least that's what it felt like to her because I kept her sufficiently distracted while I did "the invisible things Moms do" (as my mother used to say.)
She and Carmen played out front with some balls and a puddle while I vacuumed out the car. We took Mark to work and went to Grease Monkey to drive through the car wash. (Carmen hasn't been through a car wash since probably a year ago ... she hated the noises from the machines and the fact that she couldn't see out through any of the windows because of the soap. Poor kid!) Then we came home and I cleaned the kitchen and washed some laundry while the kids had lunch.
There are other kids who come over to my house and say things like, "Oh, do you just clean all day long?" and "Man, your house is so messy!" when they come over 15 minutes after Carmen has woken up from her nap and pulled out all of her toys. It's hard to explain to them, "No, seriously, kid, it will only take 2 minutes to clean this up."
It makes me realize we have very, very little control over what little things our kids will focus on and remember. Apparently, I either work like a dog (slaving away in the bathroom this morning!!) or I play all day long (vacuuming the car while playing outside yesterday!) It just depends on what day you walk in on me and what happens to stick in your memory.
And this kid either hates or loves what I'm eating for lunch or what song happens to be playing on the radio or whatever. Luckily her mom tells me she has nothing but nice things to say about me. =p
I used to get all worried reading parenting books and feeling like I have to do everything "right" or risk psychologically scarring my kids. What a load of crap. One person's idea of what "perfect" is could be completely different from another's perspective of "perfect" is, and the "right" thing to do with a kid is different depending on the kid and the situation. I've decided to stop worrying. I'm just going to do my best and do what feels best to ME and forget about what anyone else thinks! My kids could think I'm crazy, my neighbors could think I'm strange, but the fact is nobody knows all of the little nuances of my life and why I do what I do. We all do what works for us and make compromises where we need to. My husband can attest to that - we do things way differently from how our neighbors might split things up but we're happy with the way we work things out!
My ultimate goal is to be happy and to help others be happy, too. Especially my kids. ;) Each one is going to have their own special and different needs and preferences, so I figure I'll just figure it out as they come along. There's no need to preemptively stress out about anything.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Kamis vs. the Trailer Hitch
A few of our neighbors have noticed that the front end of our car, ahem, doesn't look quite as pristine as it used to. I leave the front windows open so I've actually HEARD people talking about it. Ha ha. I guess I should clear things up so people don't worry about us.
A few weeks ago, I was running some errands in Provo. I was stopped at a stop sign behind this big truck and we were both turning right. He started going, so I looked left to figure out when I should go and let go of the brake. I thought the guy was out of my way, but I was wrong and I nailed that truck right in the trailer hitch at 5 mph! It's like the one comedy short that goes something like, "And then I stomached him in the knee!"
The truck was fine, everything else was fine, and he was nice enough to get off his cell phone long enough for me to come and apologize. How embarrassing. Feel free to mock me now. O_o
The truck was fine, everything else was fine, and he was nice enough to get off his cell phone long enough for me to come and apologize. How embarrassing. Feel free to mock me now. O_o
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sickness and Service
Last night, I heard Carmen crying around 5:30 am. Usually she sleeps really well through the night and only wakes up if something is wrong. The problem is, if *I* get up out of bed, I'm never going to fall back asleep. After several minutes, I poked Mark and asked if he'd go check in on her in case she had a poopy diaper or something. By the time he got up, Carmen had quieted. He stood out in the hall for a couple minutes, listening, and came back to bed.
This morning, I went into her room to get her and the room was really stinky. She was sleeping in one corner of her crib and the other corner -ew- had a pile of half-digested food. Poor girl! I pulled off her sheets and started a load of laundry, and Mark rinsed her off in the shower. She was running a slight fever and I've been feeling sick to my stomach for the past few days, so I decided I'd stay home from church with her and so we could both rest and feel better. I didn't want to risk her getting anyone at church sick, especially since we work in the Nursery. Mark wanted to stay home with both of us, because if I was knocked out in bed and Carmen woke up and needed something, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled to have to take care of her.
This wouldn't be such a big deal for me if it weren't for one thing - we're the Nursery leaders in our ward. I won't miss Nursery unless I need to, because we're kind of short on people in there as it is (about 15-18 kids show up every week and there are 4 of us who are assigned to take care of everyone. It's kind of organized chaos.) Luckily, a few of the parents in our ward stay in with their kids and help out. I hope that some day we can get more people called to Nursery so these parents can go enjoy Sunday School! If we had more people we could more easily handle the kids who are having a hard time adjusting to Nursery.
Anywho. So we needed to find substitutes. I called up my best friend in the ward to ask if she and/or her husband could possibly step in for us today. She graciously accepted. After I hung up, I felt kind of bad (don't we all feel guilty sometimes for the silliest things?) because I'm sure she doesn't wake up in the morning thinking, "Hey, what I'd *really* like to do today is spend 2 hours in a room full of 18- to 36-month-olds." But you know what? Her sacrifice means a lot to me and a lot to a dozen couples in the ward who finally have a chance to attend their Church meetings without a little one running around disturbing the peace.
:)
So, substitutes, thank you so much for stepping in and helping out. We really need and appreciate your service! It's amazing how much more smoothly things run when we have the manpower to accomplish that which needs to be done!
This morning, I went into her room to get her and the room was really stinky. She was sleeping in one corner of her crib and the other corner -ew- had a pile of half-digested food. Poor girl! I pulled off her sheets and started a load of laundry, and Mark rinsed her off in the shower. She was running a slight fever and I've been feeling sick to my stomach for the past few days, so I decided I'd stay home from church with her and so we could both rest and feel better. I didn't want to risk her getting anyone at church sick, especially since we work in the Nursery. Mark wanted to stay home with both of us, because if I was knocked out in bed and Carmen woke up and needed something, I probably wouldn't be too thrilled to have to take care of her.
This wouldn't be such a big deal for me if it weren't for one thing - we're the Nursery leaders in our ward. I won't miss Nursery unless I need to, because we're kind of short on people in there as it is (about 15-18 kids show up every week and there are 4 of us who are assigned to take care of everyone. It's kind of organized chaos.) Luckily, a few of the parents in our ward stay in with their kids and help out. I hope that some day we can get more people called to Nursery so these parents can go enjoy Sunday School! If we had more people we could more easily handle the kids who are having a hard time adjusting to Nursery.
Anywho. So we needed to find substitutes. I called up my best friend in the ward to ask if she and/or her husband could possibly step in for us today. She graciously accepted. After I hung up, I felt kind of bad (don't we all feel guilty sometimes for the silliest things?) because I'm sure she doesn't wake up in the morning thinking, "Hey, what I'd *really* like to do today is spend 2 hours in a room full of 18- to 36-month-olds." But you know what? Her sacrifice means a lot to me and a lot to a dozen couples in the ward who finally have a chance to attend their Church meetings without a little one running around disturbing the peace.
:)
So, substitutes, thank you so much for stepping in and helping out. We really need and appreciate your service! It's amazing how much more smoothly things run when we have the manpower to accomplish that which needs to be done!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
The Box
I do a lot of shopping at Costco. First of all, I buy all of the snacks for Mark's work. Engineers need a lot of brain food, like chips and Famous Amos cookies and fruit snacks and Cheez-Its and mixed nuts ... Secondly, Mark and I are the Nursery leaders in our ward so I buy the snacks for Nursery, too. Thirdly ... my family loves Costco! Cheese! Cereal! Chicken bakes!
You know how they'll give you a big box to put your food in? One day, I'd emptied the Costco box and brought all of the snacks to Nursery. I left the box by the coat closet. I'd planned on recycling it, but before I got around to putting the box away, I heard Carmen drag it out into the middle of the family room. She immediately started putting all of her stuff in there - her shoes, her sippy cups, a few toys, the shoelace that randomly appeared in our house a few months ago and is now a favorite kitty toy, etc. - then she sat in there and laughed for half an hour.
Big cardboard boxes were my favorite thing to play in as a child. I guess this one will be sticking around for a while. :)
You know how they'll give you a big box to put your food in? One day, I'd emptied the Costco box and brought all of the snacks to Nursery. I left the box by the coat closet. I'd planned on recycling it, but before I got around to putting the box away, I heard Carmen drag it out into the middle of the family room. She immediately started putting all of her stuff in there - her shoes, her sippy cups, a few toys, the shoelace that randomly appeared in our house a few months ago and is now a favorite kitty toy, etc. - then she sat in there and laughed for half an hour.
Big cardboard boxes were my favorite thing to play in as a child. I guess this one will be sticking around for a while. :)
(She *was* laughing, I promise! She gets weird when I pull out the camera.)
Here's a picture of her smiling while visiting Daddy at work:
Here's a picture of her smiling while visiting Daddy at work:
I love that little stinkbug!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Optimism
This morning, my friend Dorie came to the Orem Red Cross donation center with me so someone could play with Carmen while I donated blood. The guy who took my blood asked Carmen's age and told me he had an 8-month-old at home who was about her same size. It's so much fun having a tiny 16-month-old in the 5th percentile!
Some people are real party poopers when it comes to being a parent. You try to be optimistic, and they just tell you things like, "Oh, just wait until they start teething/potty training/become teenagers/etc." Like, what, THEN I'll be miserable and regret becoming a parent?
These people don't understand that I had a really hard first 6 months with Carmen. Between regular depression and post-partum depression and having people ask if my 6-month-old had COLIC (supposedly "colic" is only from 6 to 12 weeks. HAH.) I pretty much just wanted to die. Trust me, from birth on, I think things only get better.
Toddler temper tantrums? At least you know what they want. I think my goal as a parent is to teach my children how to cope with their feelings, other people, disappointment, etc. A child's first instinct when they're separated from something they want is to cry or to hit. They're not *trying* to be bad, ungrateful, or disobedient.
At other stages, kids are just exploring and learning. We have a lot more insight than they do. Teenagers are hard? Sure. How would YOU feel if your body were changing and you're stuck in this weird stage between childhood (where you're dependent on your parents for EVERYTHING) and adulthood (where YOU are responsible for everything) but you're stuck in this power struggle with your parents because neither of you are quite sure what the other can and can't handle and should and shouldn't be responsible for? We're *ALL* confused! Luckily, we've had 13+ years' experience with each other by this point, so hopefully we'll be able to come up with a compromise.
I probably simplify things too much, but I definitely prefer being optimistic to the alternative.
I love this quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
Given the choice, I'd like to stay optimistic. There are times when it's hard to make that choice, like when you're suffering from depression. My dad once said something like, "If you needed glasses to correct your vision, why wouldn't you wear them?" Sometimes an antidepressant is what you need to take off those dark glasses and see the world clearly.
Part of me was afraid I was just faking depression because angst was the cool teenager thing to do. If you were broken, if you were in trouble, people would worry about you and pay attention to you. Obviously, people loooove spending time around miserable people. =p:
So you know what? If taking Zoloft helps me be the person I am and the person I want to be, it's fine. People with diabetes have insulin, people with epilepsy have their seizure medication, and I have Zoloft that helps me not want to rip my hair out every time Carmen gets cranky.
Some people are real party poopers when it comes to being a parent. You try to be optimistic, and they just tell you things like, "Oh, just wait until they start teething/potty training/become teenagers/etc." Like, what, THEN I'll be miserable and regret becoming a parent?
These people don't understand that I had a really hard first 6 months with Carmen. Between regular depression and post-partum depression and having people ask if my 6-month-old had COLIC (supposedly "colic" is only from 6 to 12 weeks. HAH.) I pretty much just wanted to die. Trust me, from birth on, I think things only get better.
Toddler temper tantrums? At least you know what they want. I think my goal as a parent is to teach my children how to cope with their feelings, other people, disappointment, etc. A child's first instinct when they're separated from something they want is to cry or to hit. They're not *trying* to be bad, ungrateful, or disobedient.
At other stages, kids are just exploring and learning. We have a lot more insight than they do. Teenagers are hard? Sure. How would YOU feel if your body were changing and you're stuck in this weird stage between childhood (where you're dependent on your parents for EVERYTHING) and adulthood (where YOU are responsible for everything) but you're stuck in this power struggle with your parents because neither of you are quite sure what the other can and can't handle and should and shouldn't be responsible for? We're *ALL* confused! Luckily, we've had 13+ years' experience with each other by this point, so hopefully we'll be able to come up with a compromise.
I probably simplify things too much, but I definitely prefer being optimistic to the alternative.
I love this quote by Marjorie Pay Hinckley:
"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
Given the choice, I'd like to stay optimistic. There are times when it's hard to make that choice, like when you're suffering from depression. My dad once said something like, "If you needed glasses to correct your vision, why wouldn't you wear them?" Sometimes an antidepressant is what you need to take off those dark glasses and see the world clearly.
Part of me was afraid I was just faking depression because angst was the cool teenager thing to do. If you were broken, if you were in trouble, people would worry about you and pay attention to you. Obviously, people loooove spending time around miserable people. =p:
So you know what? If taking Zoloft helps me be the person I am and the person I want to be, it's fine. People with diabetes have insulin, people with epilepsy have their seizure medication, and I have Zoloft that helps me not want to rip my hair out every time Carmen gets cranky.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I'm going to start a public blog!
Why did you jump on the blog bandwagon?
Well, I've had a mostly friends-only LiveJournal for the past 10 years or so, but I haven't managed to convince many people to join that community. I figure if I get a public "blog" I'll finally be able to convince my friends, family, Facebook friends, and neighbors to read about my life more often. Maybe I can convince them to RSS feed it.
I figure this can be the place where I can talk about anything I want to related to my life - marriage, kids, parenting, chores, church, reminiscing, the weather, whatever I feel like publicly sharing with the rest of the universe. I'm probably too open a person, but I figure if people want to read this maybe someone will benefit from my thoughts or experiences. At the very least I, myself, will have this record of my life for my posterity if they want it.
I'm also feeling kind of lame that I have no good pictures to use for this blog, since I tend to be the one *taking* the pictures. I guess I'll use an old wedding photo (4 years ago? really?!) because then I won't have to feel obligated to have an even remotely up-to-date profile picture. Oh, well, maybe some day I'll get around to doing cool format and picture things with this blog, but maybe I won't. I didn't update my LiveJournal's format AT ALL between 2004 and 2010.
Why the name?
I picked out "Teenage Mormon Bride" because it sounds sort of catchy and I AM Mormon and I DID get married a month after I turned 19. Also, it sounds a bit like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." Boo freaking yeah.
Well, I've had a mostly friends-only LiveJournal for the past 10 years or so, but I haven't managed to convince many people to join that community. I figure if I get a public "blog" I'll finally be able to convince my friends, family, Facebook friends, and neighbors to read about my life more often. Maybe I can convince them to RSS feed it.
I figure this can be the place where I can talk about anything I want to related to my life - marriage, kids, parenting, chores, church, reminiscing, the weather, whatever I feel like publicly sharing with the rest of the universe. I'm probably too open a person, but I figure if people want to read this maybe someone will benefit from my thoughts or experiences. At the very least I, myself, will have this record of my life for my posterity if they want it.
I'm also feeling kind of lame that I have no good pictures to use for this blog, since I tend to be the one *taking* the pictures. I guess I'll use an old wedding photo (4 years ago? really?!) because then I won't have to feel obligated to have an even remotely up-to-date profile picture. Oh, well, maybe some day I'll get around to doing cool format and picture things with this blog, but maybe I won't. I didn't update my LiveJournal's format AT ALL between 2004 and 2010.
Why the name?
I picked out "Teenage Mormon Bride" because it sounds sort of catchy and I AM Mormon and I DID get married a month after I turned 19. Also, it sounds a bit like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." Boo freaking yeah.
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