I want to complain for a few minutes.
I haven't been blogging lately because I'm too tired and don't have the brainpower to write something coherent. I haven't even written in my own personal journal. I'm exhausted. The baby keeps me up a lot at night, and I keep getting sick with colds. Blech! All I want to do is catch a nap.
Nursing hormones are not so much fun. Especially not in the summer. Did you know you can get hot flashes from nursing? I don't remember getting hot flashes when nursing Carmen! That's it; I'm having my next kid in October. I don't care if I spend the summer being pregnant. Maybe I'll change my mind if I spend a summer being pregnant. ;) But, dang it, Texas, why do you have to be so hot?! Heat rash is not fun.
I also discovered where the huge bruises on my thighs came from ... while I was lugging Mace's car seat up the two flights of stairs to get to our apartment. The car seat goes bonk, bonk, bonk on my leg on each step as I lug a car seat, diaper bag, and multiple bags of groceries up to our apartment. Ugh, and I wonder why I don't try to get out more?
Our lease is up September 30, so in a few weeks I can start looking for a house to rent! Mark wants to stay within the ward boundaries. I can't start looking yet because they won't let you turn in an application until 30 days before your desired move-in date. I don't want to pay double rent ... but rent and a half would be okay with me. It kind of gives me heartburn to think about the fact that we have to turn in a 60-day move-out notice, but can't give a 60-day move-IN notice! Augh, moving is such a pain!
BUT THIS APARTMENT IS SO SMALL AND CLAUSTROPHOBIC AND ON THE THIRD FLOOR AUGH I WANT OUT. How have I survived here for the past year?! Some day (soon!) I will be able to live in a house ... with a yard ... and possibly trees ... and Carmen can play outside while I am inside with the baby ... you can't exactly send your kid outside to play when you live in an apartment complex. The porch is not the same. Waaah. *melts into puddle of not-wanting-to-do-anythingness*
I bet it's just the hormones driving me crazy now. ;)
Mace, I love you, but I am so looking forward to when you stop eating every 3 hours. I hate how guilty the breastfeeding advocates make me feel when they talk about exclusive breastfeeding. I am so jealous of the other people in my Bradley class who DO do the whole feed-your-kid-formula-and-even-put-rice-cereal-in-their-bottle-so-they'll-sleep-longer thing. Oh my heck I wish I could get more than 4 hours of sleep at a time. But I can't get over that mental block of, "It's so selfish to feed your kid formula just so you can get some sleep."
But let's see ... do I want to be a breastfeeding HOMICIDAL MANIAC because I don't get enough sleep, or a major disappointment to the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics because I'm one of the 80-someodd-percent of non-exclusively breastfeeding moms?
It's a bit like saying, "Oh, man, we are SO DISAPPOINTED because so few people are on 100% whole-foods diets." Like, dang, I had a bowl of cereal and blew it.
I mean, like ... this New York breastfeeding thing really ticks me off. The whole Baby Friendly initiative thing ticks me off. Locking away formula and pacifiers? Seriously? Lecturing moms about bottle feeding and pacifier use? (Men, if you don't know what breastfeeding feels like, have someone pinch and twist your nipples then rub them with sandpaper then attach a vacuum to them. And do that for about 20 minutes at a time. When your nipples are bleeding, keep doing it for a while. Then imagine what it would feel like having someone lecture you about how if you don't let someone continue to sandpaper and vacuum-suck your twisted nipples, you will have all of these problems.)
And did you know that pacifier use can actually enhance breastfeeding? When your nipples are sore in those early days of breastfeeding, you really wish your baby would only use your boobs for food and not for comfort.
You know an easier way to get women to successfully breastfeed? DON'T SEND THEM HOME WITH FORMULA AND COUPONS FOR FORMULA. Problem solved. Send them home with 20 bucks. Then they can use that money to either buy formula or lactation tea. Freedom of choice, ain't it great?! Or if you're going to send them home with presents and not cash, give 'em a fruit basket (oh, wait, you're telling me hospitals don't send women home with free formula just 'cause they're nice???)
Also, next time I have a baby, I'm sneaking in my own pacifiers. When the nurse came in to lecture me on pacifier use and breastfeeding, I wanted to tell her to can it and just give me the d*mn pacifier. My boobs hurt and I'm not suddenly going to give my baby formula. And if I did, IT'S MY CHOICE.
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